Swim Lessons

My daughter has a healthy wariness for her own safety when in the pool.  She loves to float in a tube and splash, but she does not like to get her face wet.  Even in the bathtub we have to help her relax before she smiles and rolls around in two inches of water.  She is just as excited as her brother to put on a swimsuit but she needs a little encouragement to actually get in and enjoy herself.

My son comes alive in the water.  He laughs, kicks, and splashes, and has absolutely no fear.  His movements are awkward and joyous.  He does not want to be held, so he wriggles in my arms and face-plants into the water.  To my ongoing astonishment he comes up smiling while choking and coughing.  The more time we spend in the pool and in the bathtub, the more he is trying to move during the day.  I fully attribute my son's motivation to move and crawl now to his time in the pool, an unofficial water therapy.  I also believe that without our intense supervision he could easily drown.  Thus we decided to invest in swimming lessons for both of our children.

Infant Aquatic Safety came highly recommended.  An instructor meets us at our condo pool four mornings per week and spends ten minutes with each child in the pool.  The program promises that after 4-6 weeks the children will not panic if they fall into a body of water.  They will be able to flip onto their backs by themselves and swim to the stairs.  

The instructor and I spoke in depth on the phone before she accepted our enrollment.  She wanted me to understand that there would be tears.  Lots of tears.  I would not be permitted to hold or console my child for the full ten minute lesson.  She would keep my child from looking in my direction, and if necessary, I would have to hide.  She explained that she needed their full attention for the full ten minutes and that they would likely scream until they mastered the skills she was teaching them.  All children cry, I thought, how bad could it be?  I accepted those terms and we started the lessons.

I didn't realize how traumatic the lessons were going to be for my daughter.  She went from loving the pool to bawling going near it.  She screams hysterically for the entire ten minutes; yet after one week I see her independently put her head in the water, flip onto her back, and float with the instructor's support while she howls.  The lessons are clearly working!  But she is so upset...which fills me with angst.  I have to pry my daughter off my chest and hand her to the instructor, while she shrieks real tears and clutches me with all her strength.  Are we pushing our daughter too soon?  Are we damaging her by insisting she learn how to be safe in the water before she is emotionally ready?  I busy myself taking care of my son and playing with him out of the pool so my daughter in the pool does not see my face.  But I worry about her emotional health the entire time.

Our son cries, too, but they are angry cries.  He is angry because he cannot do what HE wants to do in the water during his lesson.  As soon as the lesson is over he is smiling and splashing again.

This past weekend my wife and I took the kids to the pool.  Our daughter sobbed and clung to us the entire 15 minutes we were in the water.  Our son repeatedly practiced putting both hands on the top step while keeping his head up above the water.  Then our son tried to crawl out of the pool!

Given this drastic change in our children's behavior in the water, my wife and I discussed whether to discontinue our daughter's swim lessons.  After some debate, we decided that it would be worse to stop while our daughter associates a negative (for her) experience with water, instead of continuing the lessons and having her master the skills necessary for both her safety and her confidence in the water.

Truthfully, we are counting on the accuracy of research which says children do not remember events before age three.  We decided that teaching our children how not to drown is more important than some tears in the long run; we are trusting that after four weeks the crying will stop as promised.  Our son is learning important skills so he can be safe in his favorite place.  Our daughter is unhappily mastering the same important life-long skills.  Why?  It is ultimately for her own benefit and our peace of mind.

Each morning, I wonder if we are doing the right thing.  Every day, I tell her how proud of her I am as I see her flip and float with the instructor.  Even so, her cries break my heart as I watch from the side of the pool.