The Twin Thing

Our son standing (!!!) on the left

After reading my last post, a colleague with twins contacted me and encouraged me not to worry about my kids' relationship with each other.  She said that it is amazing how deep the twin relationship goes, and referenced her experiences with her own twin girls.

Then we suddenly witnessed it.  It was bedtime.  We had turned the clocks ahead one hour for daylight savings time the day before.  Every night my wife and I alternate which child we put to bed.  We had already closed the window shutters, turned on the bedtime music, and switched off the lights. On this night my wife had our son, who was uncharacteristically upset.  She could barely contain him on her lap while he kicked, flailed, and screamed.  I sat across the room with our daughter, who was content to be snuggled.  My wife asked, "Why is he so upset?"

"I don't know," I replied.

"Mama," our daughter said to me, pointing to the light peeking through the window shutters.  "Sun, bight, side."

"Yes, " I said, repeating as only a parent can, "The sun is bright outside."

"Sleep, night, dark," she continued.

"Yes," I said, "you go to sleep at night when it is dark outside."

"Bight Kah-yee aaaaaaaaaah!" my daughter mimicked her brother's cry.

Whoa.  I looked at my 21-month-old daughter.  "Are you saying that your brother is upset because it is bright outside and you usually sleep when it is dark?"  She smiled sweetly and snuggled closer. I called across the room to my wife.  "She says he is upset because it is too bright out to be bedtime."

My wife consoled our son, telling him that it's okay, that she understands it is still bright outside but it really is bedtime.  He settled down a few moments later, and we put both children in their cribs.

Leaving the room together, my wife whispered, "What exactly did she say to you?!"  I told her.  My wife said with awe, "How could she even know that?"

It is amazing that our daughter could understand her brother and communicate his needs so clearly when typical channels of communication are not available to him, or between them.  Strange that we are so worried about their sibling relationship, then they surprise us with this mysterious twin phenomenon.

A few weeks ago I overheard my wife asking our son's beloved speech therapist about his progress, or mostly lack thereof.  I was surprised to hear that his lack of effort to communicate is not typical at this stage, even with his current diagnosis.  Usually kids are frustrated and eager to learn new ways to communicate their needs  (i.e., using gestures, pointing to pictures).  Our son expresses neither frustration nor a desire to find an alternative way to communicate.  He is an overall happy kid.  The speech therapist noted that this is because we anticipate his needs so well.  She said that our son doesn't have to communicate much to get his needs met in our home.

Hmm.  We have been following the speech therapist's guidance and increasing our wait time.  We have been demanding that he ask for more before we continue reading his books, or before we give him seconds on food.  It's still hand-over-hand baby signing, but we do this often.  But now I wonder.  How much does our son communicate to us through his twin sister?  How many times have we taken her guidance for granted such that we are unaware that she is speaking for him?

My colleague was right.  The twin relationship is amazing.