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| Playing together |
Dear Sweet Boy,
We wish for you to know how much your twin sister loves you. We saw the twin bond when we came home from the hospital and you wouldn't stop crying until we placed your sister in the crib beside you. But that was more than a year and a half ago. Now, your sister has to work quite diligently every day to engage you.
We will never forget the time there was a flash of lightning and a crash of thunder that completely terrified your sister. You were sitting and playing beside her and she leapt on you for comfort, knocking you over in a wide-eyed bear hug. You cried and pushed her away.
When we took you to the pool yesterday, your sister tried to share her floating toys with you, but you shoved her away and looked in the other direction. Mommy gave her lots of extra attention so she wouldn't be upset.
Today in the car your sister said, "Mama - HUG! Mommy - HUG! Kah-yee - HUG!" She leaned her head forward to look at you in your carseat beside her, repeating, "Kah-yee - HUG!" but you ignored her. We told her that you love her and hug her, too.
Today we went to the Children's Museum and you were not happy. You did not want to be there. You did not want to take off your shoes and play in the toddler area. Mama put you on a riding toy, and you relaxed enough to ride. Your sister rode behind you on another riding toy. But when you screamed Mama took you off and held you, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the play area, squeezing you tightly to calm you and whispering the alphabet in your ear. Your sister was watching, and we told her to go play. But she had one hand on your riding truck while sitting on hers. Then another little boy ran to your truck. Your sister forcefully said, "No, Kah-yee truck!" (which sounded more like, "No, Kah-yee guck!") but the boy rode away, knocking her hand off the handlebar. You sister turned to us with despair in her eyes and said, "Kay-yee guck!" and burst into tears. We had to console her, telling her she was a good sister for saving your truck for you, and that it was okay for the other little boy to ride it because you no longer wanted it. She was absolutely devastated. You wanted to leave and so we did, despite the fact that your sister was trying to help and she still wanted to play.
Then, today during nap, neither of you went to sleep. What did we hear from your room? Your 20-month-old sister reciting the most of the letters of the alphabet in order, and you saying ah in between letters. When she got to the letters D, S, and Z, and you tried to say the actual letter sounds she clapped and cheered for you just like we do. This was the first time we ever heard you two have a conversation.
Your sister loves you so much. And you love her, too. We know this because you crawl after her across the house at least once each day. We know this because lately you allow your sister to touch you. She patted you on the shoulder the other day, and while you seemed to ignore her, you didn't push her away. That made her smile. You don't appreciate it when she names and touches your nose, ears, eyes, mouth, and hair, but you allow it to be. And there was that time you both sat on the couch watching a Brainy Baby video and she lay prone with her head on your lap, and you let her stay there for a few minutes without moving. Even more recently you allowed your sister to play with your favorite stacking toy with you - you started taking turns with your sister! You accept her in your space, and you are learning to share your favorite objects with her. She often shares her food with you by leaning over and putting cut up bites on your highchair tray, which you take and eat without eye contact. We almost fell on the floor the first (and only) time you leaned over and handed her your fruit! These are the moments that give us hope. These are the moments we know you have a connection that we cannot begin to understand; your sister must feel it because it is not often seen.
Dear child, we just want you both to be able to communicate and feel loved by each other. We want you to be each other's best friend. We hope, with all our hearts, that one day you will be able to tangibly love your sister back as only a twin can. In the meantime, we are doing our best to fill in the gaps.
Love,
Mama and Mommy
